conchitawurst:

neptunain:

we need better sex ed because I know a girl who thought that the female orgasm always involved squirting so she fakes by peeing on guys and this needs to stop

Let her continue

(via joshpeck)

terrakion:

alt-j:

michaxl:

gf: babe come over

me: i cant im doing gymnastics on the top of mt everest

gf: my parents are out ;)

me:

image

IS HE OKAY??!!!!?

yes hes with his girlfriend now

(via secretmindreader)

kawaiians:

I HATE ACCIDENTALLY HURTING DOGS THEY SCREAM AND THEN THEY ACT LIKE THEYRE SORRY AND ITS THEIR FAULT AND THEY TRUSTED YOU AND YOU FUCKING STEPPED ON THEM OR PICKED THEM UP WRONG THEY TRUSTED YOU AND YOU HURT THEM

(Source: niichainz, via secretmindreader)

illinois:

harry potter and the crazy ass rock

harry potter and the hogwarts basement

harry potter and the guy who went to jail

harry potter and the big ass fire cup

harry potter and the secret club no one can know about

harry potter and the vandalized textbook

harry potter and the triangle circle stick

(Source: believed, via secretmindreader)

minxiekitten:

raubbenhood:

Disneyworld needs to make a rollercoaster based off of the ride Yzma and Kronk take to the lair. When the ride starts, Yzma’s voice yells “pull the lever, Kronk!” and the ride starts to move backwards so she yells “wrong lever!” and it shoots you forward.

WHY IS THIS NOT HAPPENING?!

(via secretmindreader)

narwhal-noir:

I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”

(via caterwocky)